Friday, April 17, 2009


I just got back from a trip to Australia!  Initially, I was disappointed at first when Paul Hogan didn't greet me at the airport but that's okay, he's really old.  I got over it when I realized that I spent a day in an airplane.  I enjoyed my time traveling with Brian.  He did get a little tired of me when I went around saying "shrimp on the barbie"  and "that's not a knife- this is a knife!" while I brandished an extra flimsy airline safe spork.

Wow!  I am up high!  It makes my choochoo tail twitch being up so high!  I can look down on all the people (that's how it should be) walking on the street.  I took a nap and planned adventures for the next day.


From my window it just looked like a tent.  You know those fancy backpacking ones from REI...Upclose I examine it's initially controversial, but now iconic design.  I think it looks like some shellfish getting wild.   Sitting here in front of the place I realize that this place could hold a SCOOGLEZILLION travel kitties and maybe 2700 Travel Kitty Companions.  I was disappointed when I tried to go in and they said NO PETS ALLOWED!  Next time I'll know to leave poor Brian at the boarding kennel.  I didn't feel right tying him to a fire plug, so I didn't get to go inside.


Here comes the ferry.  A ferry is a boat.  Boats are what you catch fish from.  I am looking forward to getting on that ferry and eating all the fish I can!  I might be small but I have an unrivaled appetite!   Remember, on another adventure I singlehandedly made a bird species extinct!


I don't know what it is about bridges, I just like them.  I like thinking about what is on the other side of the bridge.  I mean I know what is on this side- duh!  I'm here.  Take the Bay Bridge in California for example, from the Oakland side you have something pretty to look at, whereas from the San Francisco side... you don't.  Anyway, so here I am looking at a bridge and dreaming of the fishy edibles swimming under it.



Brian took me to "Scenic World" an amazing virgin landscape unmarked by man other than the "Scenic Walkway, Scenic Railway, Scenic Cableway, and Scenic Skyway."   You get the feeling that you are the first person to ever pay dearly to see it's scenic delights.  Australians get crazier than American truckers who've stopped for the night.  Starting at age 5 or so , they wear nothing but combat boots and khaki shorts and hold bowie knives in their teeth.  And everyone has a pet alligator.  Or that's what I read in a comic book...Anyway, here I am on the side of the railing that is ostensibly designed to either keep people from going any further or to keep the vicious Australian animals from maiming the children.  Since I'm a Travel Kitty and a well worn adventurer,  it was perfectly fine for me to be on the other side based on the spacing of the bars. I'm doing my best to threaten and scare visitors by ferociously swishing my choo-choo tail!

Here I am inside a gondola suspended 270m above the ground.  We have embarked on a journey that covers nearly half a mile.  I was impressed by the grandeur, but have some input: The ride would be more exciting if the thing launched out of the gatehouse like a bullet then abruptly stopped as if it hit a post or something and then continued at a leisurely pace to the end.  Additionally, they need to slow the thing down so that you feel you are covering a much greater distance.  A round trip ride costs $26 per person, whick is 50 cents per hundredth of a mile, so I think my input is valuable.


Here I am lying down on the magic glass floor.  What is magic about it?  Well, when the ride starts it just looks like any other highly polished opaque floor, then at the scariest moment somebody flips a switch and there you are staring down into swirling abyss of trees.  Granted the view is amazing, but the tops of trees look pokey and boy that would be terrible to be on the ride the day the cable snapped and you got impaled on the top of a tree as if skewered for roasting on the only cooking implement in Australia, the BBQ.  I learned that at Outback Steakhouse from the tipsy grandma at the next table, so it must be true.  There was nothing to eat up here and the vicious Australian wildlife was too far away to see.  It would be cheaper to get a window seat and watch a plane land and you'd see the same stuff.  Just my opinion.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009



I saw several of these.  I don't understand it.  From what I can tell it is a Dodge truck with the cab of a 16 wheeler cobbled on top and a step-side bed.  What is it, and why would someone buy it especially considering that the owner probably drives it from home to the office and back?  Further proof that there is a customer for anything and these were obviously purchased by dogs.  Probably Labradoodles or a pit bull-cocker spaniel.  A cool cat would have a sports car.


In the wake of controversy there is always a buck to be made, especially in Chicago.  When Rod Blagojevich was found out as the skunk in the machine my phone started ringing.  Evidently the Blagojevich camp needed an incorruptible advisor, someone who was an outsider who would could be trusted to provide wise counsel.  So I hopped on a jet and flew to Chicago!


Here I sit in the United Airlines Red Carpet Room.  Fresh fruit, yogurt, bagels, and a Bloody Mary this is the breakfast of political champions!  To top it off I've got a free copy of USA Today; I am not convinced that there is a soul who actually pays for this trashy full color "news" rag- it just comes free.  There is no red carpet in the place- evidently someone discovered that red agitates travelers and "Grey Carpet Room" sounds dingy and cheap.


Well, the fact of the matter is that Rod couldn't bother to show up at the meeting place (southeast corner of the Lakefront Landfill).  Rod misstepped.  His issues today could have been averted had he simply heard me out.  I was going to propose that Rod simply put me in his outside jacket breast pocket for luck; then when the aggressive media starts asking questions somebody would notice me peeking out and the line of questions would change to "Hey, that is Cleophus McScoogle!  Isn't he the most traveled Travel Kitty in the TKP?" and "Does he really have a choo choo tail?"  Thereby steering the question to meaningless garbage that could be answered in a positive way.  It would eventually turn into an autograph session and wounds could have healed instead of yet another scandal akin to the Black Sox.  History is proving me right every day.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Southern California, Where the Chupacabara attack indiscriminately

Travelin' again!  This time to Southern CA!  Below you will see my friend the Chupacabara escaping from his crate in Santa Monica.  Look out goat farmers!  He's out to get your herd!

Chupacabara out for goat blood

It's a long way to California from Colorado, I had to stop in Salt Lake City, Utah.  This airport is weird!  Most other airports have signs welcoming you to their grand locale- not Salt Lake city... Maybe they know that they are just a stopover.  Here I am on the phone calling for help "GET ME OUTTA HERE!"

Me on the phone in the crappy Delta commuter terminal.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

ROMANIA! What the heck? Romania?

Romania was cold and icy.  I don't even like looking out the window!  It looks scary and cold.  No wonder they made up stories about scary people with fangs to scare the children and keep them inside so that they wouldn't freeze to death!


Here I am in Iceland.  Apparently, their entire economy was based on banking- sounds good until the global economy blows up in your litter box!  I guess they turned off the lights to save some money... and went back to their traditional industry: FISHING.  YUM!  There are no penguins in Iceland- but they do have these cool birds with fruitloop looking beaks called puffins.  I want the eat all of them but that wouldn't be showing cultural sensitivity.


So, here I am in Virginia.  They say "Virginia is for Lovers."  I hope that it means Virginia is for travel kitty lovers...

The North East is very welcoming, they welcomed me here too!  I think the bird on the sign looks tasty!  Maybe, if I am lucky I will get to eat one!  I would like to "welcome" the Virginia State Bird to my tummy.

There!  Look!  One of those birds!  Be very very quiet... Unfortunately the bird got away.  I'm told these birds are called cardinals.  I think they should be called tasty.

The other thing you'll figure out quick when you travel with Roy is that he knows where to get good eats!

First things first, gotta go to Bourbon Street.  I got some beads- and I'm ready to throw 'em!

Apparently daylight isn't the time to throw beads, so we headed to Aunt Sally's Original Creole Praline Shop- and got some CANDY!  This is the nice lady who works here, she has a friendly smile and agreed to hold me even though I'm obviously WILD!

Then it was off to Cafe du Monde where I drank coffee and ate a beignet!  I had to fight Roy for these, he didn't think a little cat needed so many sweets.  I showed him by eating everything in sight and chugging coffee...Then he showed me... back into the car!

One thing is for sure: when you travel with Roy, you're gonna see a whole bunch of cool stuff!

Is this Cinderella's Castle?  Heck NO!  This place has real history that makes my little choo choo striped tail stand on end!  Here I am in Jackson Square, in front of Saint Louis Cathedral in New Orleans.

Roy shows me his scary eagle collection (I'm outnumbered)

I was a little scared at first, but Roy assured me that it was okay to sit on the Eagle statues.

Then, out of nowhere, another eagle grabbed me with his beak!  

The eagle was very hungry!  If only there was a way to escape the clutches of this beast!

Then, silently another Eagle swooped in and carried me away, this time to her nest where she tried to feed me to her babies!

At Roy's office

Here I am at Roy's office.  I'm propped between his most prized possessions!

I was soon able to find my most prized possessions: CANDY!

More travelin' with Roy!

Here I am in the North East USA!  The whole place looks exactly like this!  

Entering Rhode Island... it is the smallest state in the union.  That means they can't even put the "Welcome to Rhode Island The Ocean State" sign inside of Rhode Island, they had to put the sign in it's neighbor state.  I was surprised to see that there were three people who lived here.  I know, hard to believe, I swear it is true.

Entering Connecticut!  They welcomed me!

This dog is hella-cool!  He must be a pointer because he didn't even flinch when I climbed onto his foot!

WOW it has been a while. I've been travelin' with my pal Roy!

After drinking at the Thirsty Camel, Kat shoved me into a box and stuck me in the mail all the way from the Middle East to my pal Roy's house!  He wasn't home when I arrived so I took a nap on the bench. 

One of the things I forgot about, was that on occasion when out in the wild one may run into the local wildlife.  In my case it was a BEAR!  At first I was scared by his unnatural blue fur, but then realized that the bear was Roy's travel pal.  I really dig his bow-tie and sweet tattoo!  The friendly bear offered me his bow-tie, but I declined as I think it looks better on him.

Roy took me to visit his niece and nephew.  They were really nice kids.  Left: niece, Right: nephew

And just to prove we're traveling here I am in Massachusetts!  Evidently, somebody leaked my itinerary to the Kennedys and ol' Ted had the welcome signs covered up with green painted sheet steel.  They did not want me to know what their state bird is on account of my ferocious appetite, hunting prowess, and perhaps the bird is nearing extinction or something!  HA! I know the state bird is the black-capped chickadee, and I know they taste great!  I ate the last known breeding pair in North America.  That's how I roll bbs. 

(note from handler:  Cleophus actually ate a rejected chicken wing with craft feathers.  I told him that he caused the extinction of a species because he is a pain and runs off into the woods after birds.  As an aside, domestic cats are not a natural part of the food chain and decimate native bird populations.  Domestic travel kitties are even worse... so tragic)