Do you know the way to San Jose?

Meow!

I finally made it to San Jose, CA: Capital of Silicon Valley.  It was quite the adventure, from getting kicked out of first class in OK, to seeing all the arches in MO, to then be inspired by all the swimming pools in the coastal desert of Southern California... Finally I'm here!

TRAVEL KITTY BEDROLL TIP: Travel Kitty bedrolls are too small to be checked as baggage.  When my bedroll and I were placed on the carousel for a photo oportunity, Grand Paw only grabbed me and my little sleeping bag vanished into oblivion.  Grand Meowmy threw a fit and I thought poor grandpaw was going to have an aneurism, a hairball or both at the same time!  Luck was on my side, and the bedroll made it on a full trip around the luggage carousel.  

AT NORMAN Y. MINETA SAN JOSE INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

IN GRANDMEOWMY'S KITCHEN BUSTING INTO TREATS

ADMIRING A TASTY CHOCOLATE SANTA

Cats love sparkly things, this is true.  Travel Kitties are no different.  I was taken to Plaza de Cesar Chavez in Fabulous and Chic Downtown San Jose to see the lights of "Christmas in the Park."  It was so exciting they could hardly keep me inside the car!  Different civic and charitable organizations sponsor different trees and displays.  There is lots of local flavor and variety.  The people of San Jose are quite proud of it. But what is up with all the fake snow and wintery stuff when it NEVER EVER snows here?  Hmmmm.  Well, it is all nice anyway.

ESCAPING FROM THE CAR TO EXPLORE THE LIGHTS

I almost made it!  A mad dash from the car-into a flying leap-then snatched away from my goal by Grand Meowmy.  She explained to me that the fence is there to keep Travel Kitties out.

FLYING LEAP 

Time to pack, I'm getting ready for my next adventure!  I'm going to go big places that no travel kitty has been before.   TKP!  Shout out to Lisa Dalton who sewed me!  Whoooo!

Anaheim, CA Look out Mickey

OK here I am in Anaheim. Did you know this place is naturally a desert? Why are there swimming pools everywhere? I guess water rationing is just for the poor slobs in Northern California who get all the rainfall and still have to ration because their water is sent south in the aqueduct.  Go ahead and enjoy your green lawns, brimming pools, and nice long showers.  Flush twice, you deserve it!

LOOKING AT THE TERMINAL IN ANAHEIM, CA

Your water bill would be about Scooglezillion Dollars if you tried to have a pool in the San Francisco Bay area. It would be cheaper to go to Napa and fill a pool with wine....ooooh....that is genius. Here I am on Grand Paw Bruce's shoulder trying to find investors for my Wine Pool Resort. Will the Humane Society complain if we put dolphins, or ducks, or something cute in there for the guests to admire? I know the animals would be very happy.

TELLING GRANDPAW WHAT TO SAY TO INVESTORS IN THE WINE-POOL-RESORT

I know we aren't supposed to use cell phones on the plane, but we were at the gate, so whatever.  

Next stop: San Jose, CA the capital of Silicon Valley.

St. Louis, MO

Meow,
Check it out. I was plucked from the first class seat to which I had quickly become accustomed. I didn't scratch, though because the TSA guys on planes these days are jealous of my catlike grace and lithe power. They might over react and panic when they saw my strength. Besides, I'm sober now, so it was mostly just a little "misunderstanding".

GETTING BOUNCED FROM FIRST CLASS SEAT


Here I am peeping the magnificence of the American terminal at St Louis, Missouri. Are they into arches here or what? I'll bet even litter boxes have dramatic arched architectural embellishments here. Car washes and vet clinics too. 

PEEPING AT ARCHES


After a quick stop in MO, I got to gaze upon The Mississippi River.  It took a while but I finally learned to spell Mississippi.  Next Stop: Anaheim, CA!

Cleophus McScoogle responds to complaints about unflattering photos

Dear Kat and Debo,
Thank you for expressing your concerns that the photos of you were not flattering. I can accept your opinion, but realistically the camera can only capture what is there. I've learned this throughout my worldly adventures. There are plenty of unflattering pictures of me on here- like getting poked in the gut while being a drunken big-mouth, or having my choo choo tail poking straight out while sipping a cosmo. Sure they are embarrassing but they are not the end of the world.

Kat, Don't worry, you look great, anybody decorated with cat toys is beautiful. You couldn't be more attractive if you had catnip perfume and litter boxes in your pockets.

Debo, after doing some research and found that there are many natural looking solutions to hair loss in addition to the two methods I recommended. There is hope...

In the spirit of posting more unflattering photos, I will post one of paw paw.  He was helping Meowmy shave her matted and tangled pussycat named Cheeto Cheddarton.  I will be posting pictures of her later.

PAW PAW OVERWHELMED BY THE POWER OF "THE CAT"

The Great Cleophus Fedex Fiasco

Well, I've been to California and back. I prefered first class on the plane. Fed ex is lousy. Don't let that Tom Hanks movie fool you. These people do not run around saving packages after getting washed up on photogenic tropical islands. You are lucky if they do ANYTHING. These people need coffee because they are lazier than college students at 6 on a Saturday morning.
Chickity check what $45 gets you these days.

FedEx Express Overnight Service- when you need it overnight, but can wait six days. Or four days if you complain non-stop and are willing to drive to pick it up.

FYI Fed Ex is supposed to unload their trucks at night. But not in OKC, OK! Anything you get will be frozen solid, or frozen and thawed. Note that it says that the package was "Delivered". Is a pizza delivered if you drive across town to pick it up? NOOOOO. But going to get your box from those lazy buffoons counts as a "DELIVERY". Sweet for them. Losers.

This is from the FedEx package tracking website on 22Dec

Date/Time Activity Location Details
Dec 22, 2007 2:14 PM Delivered OKLAHOMA CITY, OK
Dec 21, 2007 9:06 PM At local FedEx facility OKLAHOMA CITY, OK
9:01 PM Shipment exception OKLAHOMA CITY, OK Delay beyond our control
4:11 PM On FedEx vehicle for delivery OKLAHOMA CITY, OK
8:50 AM On FedEx vehicle for delivery OKLAHOMA CITY, OK
8:47 AM At local FedEx facility OKLAHOMA CITY, OK
7:05 AM Departed FedEx location MEMPHIS, TN
Dec 20, 200712:55 AM Arrived at FedEx location MEMPHIS, TN
Dec 19, 2007 8:39 PM Left origin SANTA CLARA, CA
5:40 PM Picked up SANTA CLARA, CA

HERE I AM INSIDE A BOX, INSIDE A CAR IN THE PARKING LOT OF THE FEDEX HUB IN OKLAHOMA CITY, OK

HOME AT LAST!  THIS BOX IS BOGUS!

THE TRIP WAS TERRIBLE, BUT THERE WAS CHOCOLATE PACKED IN THERE WITH ME.  IT KEPT ME ALIVE.

Wanna see what the other Travel Kitties are up to?

Go here.

On a 1-10 scale, this is WHACK!

Since Grapevine,TX is just north of Dallas, my folks got a room there. I do not even wish to discus the horror of the decor. The first Hilton looked like a den of 70's naughtyness. We fled. The second Hilton across the street? Well, it was swan-free and instead featured pictures of hunters shooting birds on the wall of our suite. What? Freaky.


Then, it got worse. Much worse. The joint was connected to a Bass Pro shop, which had nine dead, stuffed reindeer pulling Santa's sleigh. Each had a name attached to its' harness and Santa was there for pictures. I've never been so mad, Grrrreow! What sick mind is at work, hunting and killing Santa's reindeer? Aren't they magic? How will Santa get to houses??!!. Why does it take a travel kitty to point out the obvious? This is my mom, Denise, holding me back.


I tried to mess up their stuffed raccoon display, but they got me out of there. FAST. I am being told that these aren't the real SANTA reindeer. I'm still mad. I need coffee and I need to travel. I'm headed to California next. Silicon Valley, here I come.

Dallas: No Marijuana in Downtown Museums

I tried to kill this plant outside the Dallas World Aquarium as part of my sworn sobriety.  Fortunately I was pocketed and hastily removed.  No idea what the plant actually is, but it seems that it is not "Chronic".  I'm told that the Dallas police have wiped out all marijuana farms in downtown business/museum landscaping.  Good thing.  I was going to rip it out.

Cleophus McScoogle: drunken big-talker

Here I am with Dad's big main head boss. I could joke around about him, but he held my arms so I couldn't claw anyone.  Then he took my car keys, got me a designated driver, and told dad to get me under control.  Smart advice.  I wish I'd behaved better.  

JRB IS A GOOD SPORT WHO LIKES TRAVEL KITTIES ( I think.  I hope.  Maybe??)

So, by now it's clear that dad didn't follow his big main head boss's advice. Oh no, here I am talking down some mad smack on bar patrons.  Emboldened by the fact that they are dad's coworkers, I said some rude things. Here is a selection of my "quotable quotes:"

1. What !?! I'm a Travel Kitty!... You don't know what a "Travel Kitty" is?   

2. travelkittyproject.blogspot.com!  How many times do I need to tell you? 

3. KNOCK KNOCK  (pause waiting for someone to say "who's there") travelkittyproject.blogspot.com!  

4.  How did you get away from your mommy?  Did you chew off your poodle leash while she was recycling cans in the alley?  

5.  travelkittyproject.blogspot.com all the cool people go there- what you haven't heard of it?  Gimme your beer before I scratch you."

IN THE BAR WHERE I GO TERRIBLY WRONG

They had enough of my fresh mouth.  Apparently.  I feel like Amy Winehouse.  I've hit rock bottom.  Kids, don't think this is cool, because I am suffering with my mistakes.  How could I help seize and destroy cocaine then fall prey to 3 liters of cosmopolitans.  The banality of it all.  The horror.  I have sworn off the bottle in favor of coffee.  I'm headed to Texas now.

Cleophus McScoogle: close to everyone's heart

Better chickity check yo' bad self! I'm Cleophus McScoogle, I'm confident in my Travel Kitty-hood and these 3-D glasses prove it!  Dad got these in the "exclusive" gift bag when he checked into the amazing historic Skirvin Hilton Hotel in downtown OKC.  It was so wonderful that I'm surprised they let us in the door.  These lenses make everything look festive.  When there is festivity, everyone wants a Travel Kitty near their heart.

3-D GLASSES AT THE SKIRVIN HILTON IN OKC, OK

My friend Dave (with the diseased, dying hair and pretty girlfriend) wanted to introduce me to some more people.  His friends call him Debo.  Travel Kitties like shirt pockets because you don't generally get sat on- and you can see everything that's going on. NOTE: THIS party is not at the Skirvin.  The military doesn't have $$$ to party there.  It was at a nearby shabby hotel with a nice lobby to lure people in.  That's cool, I like scratching posts and the battered carpet made me feel "at home"

DAVE.  HE'S COOL.

See the hair is really dying!  I have a one word tip: Rogaine.  Better than my multi-word tip: Elmer's glue and dryer lint.  (I wonder if putting up with my mom and dad made his hair die)

I'M ON HIS DRINK.  AS USUAL.

In dad's pocket...

DAD

Ms. Kat loves me.  She snatched me up!  I think I like this more than men's shirt and jacket pockets...She has a pretty name and alluring cat toy head gear.  Check out her tinsel ball corsage!  

SWATTING KAT'S CORSAGE

PLANNING THE TOP SECRET AFTER PARTY

Every great party has an after party.  I set in motion something larger than life.  The only problem was that to get in you needed to wear a hat.  I was sad that my friend Josh didn't have a hat so he couldn't go to the party.

JOSH NEEDS A HAT

So I made Josh a hat out of foil wrapping paper!  Not only will it get him into the most dopest party in Oklahoma,but it would protect Josh from alien abduction!  I think the hat looks good, and it makes Josh look smarter too!

JOSH PROTECTED BY WEARING A HAT

I made myself a hat just like Josh's because I didn't want him to feel self conscious about being the only one wearing an alien protection hat.  I hitched a ride in dad's pocket because I was feeling a bit woozy...

WOOZY

Cleophus McScoogle: Party Animal

When I arrived at the "COMPANY" (ahem) holiday party I felt so fortunate to be the guest of honor!  I had a table reserved for me, with my own special seat in the centerpiece!  After sitting on the candle for a few minutes I looked around and realized that I better switch tables because there are much better centerpieces.  My parents brought a gift bag full of little bottles of Skyy vodka and Bailey's.  And a 3 liter bottle of cranberry juice, it was full, but only 1.5 liters was cranberry juice if you get my drift.  It turns out that this was my downfall, but more about that later...

CLEOPHUS BEING A GOOD KITTY

What's this?  Pumpkin Pie Cheesecake!  Nobody is looking, I better eat it quick!  Aaaaagh!  Stolen yum yums taste better.

CLEOPHUS STEALING FOOD

I found a great table where people were laughing, and drinking.  Drinking is my new favorite sport.  This is Dave and his girlfriend Jackie.  She is really pretty.  Dave is lucky.  What's up with that???  His hair is dying....how sad.    Maybe it's ringworm.  Anyway, mom is paying too much attention to the guests.  She doesn't see me sipping her cosmo

CLEOPHUS FALLING PREY TO THE BOTTLE

Her eyes are shut.  Quick! snap a picture of me drinking this red wine.  Doesn't my choo choo stripe tail look cute?

MOM WITH EYES SHUT AND MOUTH OPEN

Meowmy is looking "Scoogletastic"

AFTER-PARTY HERE WE COME!

Cleophus McScoogle On The Road Part 4

PHEW! All that carrying on at Hooters was tiring.   Time to catch some zzzz's while someone else picks up the bill!

No such luck. I had to pull my own weight today. So I was off to the ATM...

I heard so much talk about casinos and wished I could go, but understood that chicken wings, beer and gambling might too much in one day for a little cat. "Pace yourself" is what they say.  Right?

Look who I saw in the mall.  I feel so lucky.  Maybe I'll visit the North Pole and see the workshops and elves and reindeer!

IN MRS CLAUS'S HAND

I finally got home to Oklahoma. I heard that the crewdogs are having a holiday party, then I am going to Texas and then California soon!  

Cleophus McScoogle On The Road Part 3

I used my "animal attraction" and made fast friends with pretty waitresses. I was so helpful.  Soon helpful turned to possession by "the spirit of Rick James."  I am a "partaaay animal!"

Here I am pulling the tap handle.  I like being helpful, and the waitress sure seems to like my help.

Here I am checking to make sure the beer is properly chilled.  That's what I told the pretty waitress... I was trying to smuggle bottles back to the table in my bedroll, but the beers were too big... Look, I'm right on the middle of the rack of bottles and my new friend is admiring my work ethic.

WORKING

When nobody was looking, I snuck to the back and tried to break into the liquor vault.  Sure, I could fit through the grate, but I couldn't possibly get the bottles out unless the door was open... I tried smuggling mouthfuls of liquor back to my people but I kept swallowing on my way to the table.  After five trips, I couldn't do it anymore...

LIQUOR VAULT

Eventually I returned to the table and topped off every one's glasses so that we could get another pitcher of beer.

MORE BEER

Cleophus McScoogle On The Road Part 2

While riding in the car I got to hear about an amazing chicken restaurant called "Hooters."  I didn't understand why a chicken restaurant would be named after owl noises??? I worked up quite the appetite after driving across Bossier City, LA, then walking across a busy parking lot, then through a busy shopping center where people were scurrying around like giant rats.

Outside Hooters in BOSSIER CITY, LA

It's always nice to hold the door for someone...

Here i am on THE HANDLE


Once inside, the crewdogs introduced me to an amazingly refreshing beverage called "Killian's Red."  The bubbles tickled my nose.



All that walking around and beer drinking can work up a hunger!

Amazing.

Cleophus McScoogle On The Road Part 1

OKLAHOMA CITY, OK
Howdy Everybody!  I'm quite comfortable here in Oklahoma.  I made a home behind the clock on the family's mantel.  I'm a Travel Kitty you know, that means that I'm prone to wanderlust.  As luck would have it, I was invited to go on a trip with an Air Force AWACS crew!  We left bright and early on Thursday morning.  Since it was freezing in Oklahoma I decided to hitch a ride inside one of the insulated bags. The flight was about six hours from Tinker Air Force Base in Oklahoma City to Forward Operating Location: Manta, Ecuador!  Wait til you see this jet.  It has a giant rotating mushroom on top.   They say it's the radar and call it a radome.   I just know that it is way cooler than a greyhound bus, but not as cool as luxury jets on those rap videos.  On MTV no one is puking and getting tossed around in their seats as the 4 point harness hold them in.  This is worse than a cat carrier....but it's cool.

HERE I AM ON SOME SQUADRON PATCHES!

It was my job to look out the little window to look for bad drug runners in boats in the Caribbean. Here, I'm admiring the Yucatan Peninsula. I hear they have these things called "fruity cocktails" down there.
I'm on my way and flying BETWEEN THE YUCUTAN PENINSULA AND CUBA


I'm a little guy, you know, and the trip was exhausting.   Two days later, it was time to hit the road again. Here I am waving politely to my kind hosts before departing. I think the AWACS is a great way to travel the world.  For free anyway...

Here I am in MANTA, ECUADOR


After several hours I got bored looking out my assigned "little window" and ventured up to the flight deck where I chilled with the pilots.  I was amazed at the view of Cuba.  I hear they have cigars, rum, and terrorist prisoners down there.  But there is no video, so no one knows for sure...
ON THE FLIGHT DECK


OH NO! The weather was too bad to land in Oklahoma! It was a huge ice storm.  Who wants to land in that?  Not us.  I got the be a crew dog on my first trip! I soon found out that when the crew diverts somewhere the most important things are food and beer.  The jet landed at Barksdale Air Force Base in Shreveport, LA. I asked but they wouldn't let me land the plane. Or maybe they did and I'm sworn to secrecy.  Cats never tell.   I'm getting some"mad skeelz" in this flying thing.  Here I am at the base hotel waiting for my bed roll to be delivered and my room to be prepared.  Apparently there was no travel kitty size litter box.  Well,  they know what cats do....so they hopped to it and accommodated.

The hotel at BARKSDALE AIR FORCE BASE, LA